Why hello human!
It’s the moment you’ve all been waiting for. Wash those small, hairless hands of yours, flour your work surface and don your protective (and nicely patterned, if possible) oven mitt. For today I am bestowing upon you my second most prized-possession (the first being my collection of cool watches, obviously) – the recipe for my deliciously moist, delectably-fluffy, lip-smacking banana loaf.
Now, I’ve grown familiar with your species and one thing I have learnt is that (preposterously!) not all of you eat your fruit. However, I’ve yet to meet one of you that doesn’t in fact like cake, or bread, and my specialty dish happens to be a scrumptious combination of the two.
Baking a brilliant banana loaf my friends, is about three main factors. You require a strong arm for beating, an efficient and reliable oven and an accurate and timely watch. For your strength, I recommend a robust tyre swing, or if you find this unconventional you can visit your local human gym. As for the oven, I recently visited a human-retail-outlet named after a particular type of popular Indian cuisine; whilst initially disappointed in not being fed, I was mightily impressed by their range of cooking units.
Lastly, and most importantly, the watch. To get your fluffy-in-the-middle, oozingly soft, perfectly-baked banana bounty, it’s all in the timing. You must be accurate to the second, and this can only be achieved with a steadfast and trustworthy timepiece. Might I suggest the Mirtello Exquisite, from my collection of cool watches – not only will it do the trick but as a watch, it’s very easy on the eye.
Personally, I like extra precision – I wear the Mirtello so that if I leave the oven, I can still keep track of the minutes. However, when I’m in the kitchen I hang up my Crystal Ball Pocket Watch for exact timekeeping. When I gaze into it, I envisage my baking success… And picture myself on the big screen, winning the Great British Bake Off and wooing Mary Berry with my prize-winning banana bread.
150g caster sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 egg, beaten
2 very ripe bananas, mashed
190g self-raising flour
- Grease and line a 2lb loaf tin. Over a medium heat, melt the butter and sugar and add the vanilla extract.
- Remove from the heat and add in the mashed bananas. Mix well, and then add the flour, egg and milk.
- Pour the mixture into the tin and bake at 170°C/Fan 150°/Gas mark 3.
- Bake your loaf for approximately 35 mins. Skewer it with a knife and if it comes out clean, you’re good to go!